Its only day 3?

Alright, let me first start out by saying that I really need to stop reading other peoples scary Accutane blogs. Not only do they freak me out beyond belief with the horrifying side effect stories (all the side effects PLUS more that I didn't mention in my previous blog..and I honestly think some of these people just made up horrible side effects to terrify me) but it makes me forget that every single person reacts differently to the drug.

For example, when I personally have a headache, or some sort of other pain or ailment (which come on, for anyone who knows me this is often..) I need to take 3 or 4 Advil or Tylenol, while some other people may only have to take one in order to feel relief. Another example of this would be how some people can use the medication Tums in order to ease stomach pains..but for me these chalky tablets just make my mouth dry for the next hour.

I am the type of person who is constantly on WebMD looking up new maladies, diseases, and infections that I may have acquired from the homeless man down the street or the elevator buttons in Brookdale. So when I began my research for Accutane I decided to go all out. I read every blog out there, every article, and ever possible item of information I could find. Some of the people who wrote never saw results from Accutane, and others had over night sensational miracle stories.

So where do I stand between these people? Will I be an overnight sensation like Justin Beiber or Sophia Grace and Rosie? Or a flop like Elliot Yamin (anyone remember him??)

Well let me give you all a little recap of whats been happening. The first thing I noticed after the first three days were how dry my eyes were. Now I am not an eye drops fiend like some other people I know, (hint hint you know who you are) I love the feeling of getting them put in and I giggle like a five year old but I dont go out of my way to use them. But my eyes have honestly never felt like this before. Its as if they have been open for hours without any tears or precipitation of any kind. So I just recently bought false tears which seem to have helped a lot.

The second thing I noticed was how my skin is now drinking up lotion like a runner would pound a water bottle after a 100 mile run with a giant bull mastiff chasing him/her . After applying any lotion or cream, anywhere on my body (hands, legs, knees, and face) within around 5 minutes it feels as if I had never even bothered to put it on in the first place. Now for all of you sweaty handed people out there this may seem like an answer to your prayers, but I happen to have perfectly conditioned hands which are always being complimented for their smoothness. So for me this is detrimental. But alas, I will survive. I have been using Cetaphil cream, and Johnson Lavender baby lotion which have both worked thus far. We will see if I have to change up the regimin.

The final main transformation is in my face of course. All the bumps, humps, bulges, and protuberances on my face have been going DOWN. Guys this is major. My skin is becoming a flat surface once again. How long have I waited for this moment? People have even already started to notice a change as well. My skin is no longer painful to the touch and I can put on lotion and face wash in a normal fashion without having to worry about making myself bleed.

Still to come: my hair is becoming less oily, my face more matte, and my body as a whole less buttery after a workout. Also still to come, the constant joint and muscle pains that are starting to begin.

I will keep you all posted!

Wait..Side Effects?

Well guys its all about to begin. The curtains are down, the lights are up, and costumes are on. Of course I am speaking most importantly about my prescription of Accutane which I just received today. (Also on a side note the show I am currently stage managing opens tomorrow evening!) 

To actually go about getting the prescription in the first place was quite the mission. Now I've previously explain to all of you how this drug is government issued and controlled and you need to go through many steps in order to acquire it. Well in order to actually get the papers to get the pills at whatever pharmacy, I needed to go back again to the doctors, pee in yet another cup, fill out millions of forms, take an online quiz (which I actually almost failed..how awkward would that have been..) and then finally get the medications. 

Yes, plural, medications. I am taking the Accutane once a day, plus prednisone for the first two weeks, and a topical ointment to prevent any further inflammation. 

But lets go back a little to the doctors appointment this past Friday and talk briefly about these side effects. (I almost just typed sound effects due to the fact that yet again, I am stage managing a show and am in charge of sound effects..) Anyways, I was called into the doctors office and asked to sit in a large, oversize chair with a side table filled with instruments I can only assume are used for the most tremendous types of pain affliction. The doctor walks in with a long list of things to start to discuss:

-the back pain

-the head aches

-the out of control dry skin

-birth defects

-the possibility of white blood cell reduction

-potential liver problems

the list really goes on..

As she is rattling off these probable side effects my stomach was doing backflips. Since when is a medication suppose to run your life? I understand that for many people their medications are in fact a part of their everyday life, but for me its hard enough to remember to take a vitamin once or twice a day, and now I have so many potential threats that go along with remembering to take the scary drug in the first place. 

After agreeing to the monthly blood and urine tests and initialing on the dotted line, I was ready to move on to this online quiz. I thank god could complete this exam in the comfort of my own dorm room. The multiple choice questions consisted of things like "What do you do if you become pregnant on this drug?" and "What are possible signs you may be pregnant?" and I just drew a blank. I answered a few wrong simply because I was so nervous. But once they let me answer the wrong questions over and over again, I finally passed and was ready to go on to the pharmacy. 

I dropped off my many prescriptions and made friends with a few pharmacists (its always important to create a relationship with the people working behind the counter, if they like you, they are much more likely to do what you want.) And today, a few hours ago, I picked them up. The package is possibly the most scary box I have ever had the pleasure of owning. (Check out the scary pregnant ladies! On every pill tab! YIKES!!) 

Well, I start the drug tomorrow so wish me luck everyone! And so it begins. My route to milky, clear, beautiful skin! Woohoo!

YOUR skin.

I think that one of the hardest parts of this entire process is how the medication procedure is so slow moving. In todays world everyone is looking for the quick fix: how to lose weight FAST, how to get some place FAST, how to do work FAST and so on. Because of this fast paced mindset that we are now living in, its hard to have to wait around for months on end for something to change.
This week has been the first time that I have even seen the slightest bit of change from the gel tempering medication I have been using.

Its hard to see such a real difference because of how dry my skin is (think sandpaper meets toast) but lately my face has been more readily soaking up the lotions and becoming less and less red which is absolutely fantastic. And if I've learned anything already from this process its to be patient.

Like they say "Rome was not built in a day" so to, my face isn't just going to clear up over night. So for now I have to stick to my daily routine of washing with only Cetaphil (**if anyone is actually thinking about changing face wash, men and women alike, this stuff is amazing, its gentle and has tons of moisturizers in it that make dry skin disappear within a week of starting to use it, its really been a life savor.) and smothering myself with every face cream under the sun. I have even resorted to the thickest of all night lotions to leave on as a face mask, when I go to sleep at night I feel similar to how I would imagine a mummy would feel wrapped in layers and layers of fabric.

Well since we are on the subject of facial care I may as well give you all some friendly advice on how to better take care of your skin so you never end up in my shoes (not to say that I did not take care of my skin...bad genes.)

-When washing your face, make sure you massage the wash into your face for 20-40 seconds (20 seconds for scrubs and around 40 for regular cream or gel face wash) so all the dirt, oil, and makeup washes off.

-Make sure to wash your face not only before you go to sleep, but also when you wake up because oil accumulates over night, also I find that when you wake up and wash your face right away it invigorates you like the people in the face wash commercials...

See..doesn't she look awake and ready for a hard day of work, school, or really anything?

-Put on facial moisturizer EVERY SINGLE TIME you wash your face. Yes, you to boys! Its so important to keep your skin moisturized (especially in your teenage years because dry skin wrinkles!) 

-Use a facial scrub at least once or twice a week to buff away all the dry skin flakes.

-USE SUNSCREEN!! I honestly cannot express this enough..I have a friend who will remain anonymous who decided it would be a fantastic idea to go to a beach and not put on sunscreen. What happened to this friend? She got perhaps what I would call the worst sunburn I have ever seen..her skin turned into scales that can only be described as mermaid like, and didn't go away for months..in fact I believe she still has a scar from this burn. So dont be like that and put on sunscreen whenever you plan on spending an extended amount of time outside.

-If you feel as though your dry skin (if you have it) is moving to your lips as well and they are flakey and parched. Take an unused toothbrush and gently scrub your lips with the soft bristles back and forth, then apply a lip treatment such as Aquaphor or simply Vaseline overnight and wake up with soft and lovely lips.  

If you follow all of these easy steps..your skin will personally thank me later in the form of being clean, clear, and under control (obviously thats the slogan for clean and clear..)

Anyways...as of now I will be beginning my dosage this weekend after a lengthy check up appointment this Friday, this means that all the horrible, scary, and terrifying side effects will begin to take effect. 

And I also just wanted to take a minute to thank all my incredible amazing friends who are constantly asking me when I will be posting next, and how for supportive they are all being. You are all amazing.

There Will Be Blood

I have a challenge for all you readers. Find someone who is not terrified of either :
A. Getting a shot
B. Giving blood/getting blood work
C. All of the above.

I promise this person cannot be found, and if they say they aren't afraid they are lying.

Its been ingrained in all of our heads since our first tetanus and flu vaccines that the awful 10 seconds of prep before the shot, to the post shot tape, that when the doctor comes in with that metal tray you should run for the hills.
So when I heard that part of this whole accutane process is monthly (sometimes depending on the dosage even more often) blood tests I was slightly... okay fine extremely terrified. Not only was I going to have to get these monthly blood tests alone in the city without my mommy to hold my hand, but I also was expected to be an adult about it and just smile and let the doctor poke me with her 10 foot needle.

Needless to say I had to man up and go to the doctor for my first stab in the arm. The entire experience was slightly dramatic to say the least. I ran into the building with a strong gust of wind and everyone in the lobby stared as if I had just gotten off the Enterprise with Captain Kirk. I went to three different parts of the building before I finally arrived at the dreaded blood zone.

When you walk into one of these blood labs you feel like your in every True Blood characters dream land; tubes and tubes of blood lined up on the walls all waiting to be tested for every reason under the sun. How will the doctors every remember which tubes are mine and which are the 87 year old woman's here to see the doctor for varicose veins and osteoporosis?

After filling out the piles of paperwork and answering unimportant questions it was my turn to be jabbed with the needle. I sat mostly still other than the constant tap tap tapping of my foot on the marble flooring. I turned the other way and set my eyes on a photograph of an elephant taking an afternoon snooze under a beautiful looking palm OUCHHH! The needle was in! I stupidly looked over to see this evil woman taking tubes and tubes of my precious blood and all I wanted to scream out was HEY I NEED THAT STUFF DONT TAKE TOO MUCH!

And then with another blink of an eye the entire thing was over, she gave me the choice of a plain boring bandaid or a cool tweety bird one and I obviously chose the later. And with that it was all over. So it really wasn't that bad..but that doesn't mean I didn't go and buy myself a lollipop after..

We all need a little reward for our hard work sometimes.
So now its just a waiting game, once the doctors approve my blood (which they for sure will, how could they not?) it will all begin.

Thanks for all your support guys. You dont know how much it means to me!

Until next time!

In the beginning...

Alright, lets start at the beginning. My name is Ariella Kossin (which you probably all already know since I'm assuming no randoms are going to read this blog BUT in the off chance I dont know you hello) and I just decided on a whim, with inspiration from a great friend who also decided to start her own blog, to start writing about my Accutane horror story with a hopefully happy ending. Now I am not by any means a good writer, in fact I am not very good. But I do always have a lot to say and I have always found comfort in sharing my feelings and thoughts with others, which is why I believe the best way to handle my frustration with my skin is through venting to the world. Classic me.

I have never really been the girl to have horrible out of control skin. In middle school I had the typical puberty break out, but after that my face calmed down for most of high school. In my year in Israel I had some ups and downs, but again it stayed mostly fine. The real atrocity came this year. Now people always say how stressful college is and how each person handles this stress in different ways; some drink and gain weight, others lose weight. Some end up in odd groups of friends. And others stress ends up on their face for all to see in bright red speckles that share similar features to a pepperoni pizza.

As I contemplated my options first alone, then with my mom, and finally a dermatologist I realized that this stress of college is not going away anytime soon, in fact the next probably four years of my life is going to be a stress fest so just making due with it will not be a good solution. I tried creams, gels, antibiotics, and other medications all with no luck. So finally I was in the only field not yet played: Accutane. The government regulated acne medication that comes with severe and extreme side effects, but ultimately a 99.9% success rate. At this point what have I got to lose? I could not leave my house without makeup and I felt so insecure with myself which is something I rarely feel, being the confident girl that I am. So I was all in. Sign me up doc!

The first steps of this strenuous process start with peeing in a cup
A simple yet daunting task for any woman. What if I miss the cup and pee on my hand? What if I cant pee at all and I just end up sitting here for hours waiting? What if theres something wrong with my pee? What if I spill it while handing it to the doctor?
Well thank god I passed with flying colors and got the negative on the pregnancy test ((**SIDEBAR: One of the severe side effects of this medication is birth defects, so when women are on it they have to be constantly taking pregnancy tests to make sure they have no buns in the oven) and was now ready for the 30 day waiting period.

Now, during this waiting period they put me on a gel like cream for my face to "temper" my skin while waiting for the accutane to take effect. This cream, like the medication accutane, makes your skin break out into a horrible crimson sea of hell for the first month or so. Right now as I write this my face is pealing off right and left and forcing me to wear constant makeup whenever I want to leave my dorm room.

The next step is my final blood test and pregnancy test and I'll be on my way to perfect skin.

Welcome to my journey to a new face, and for any of you who know me, you'll know that you all reading this and supporting makes up for all the confidence I've lost during these first few weeks.

I'll update you all as the process goes along.